Sometimes I wish this company were real.

Some people from the past need to stay there. I'm sick of being haunted, even after more than a year. It makes me wonder if I will ever be free from thoughts of them. Even when I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life, I will have a flashback that threatens to change all of that.

Can you find best friends on Craigslist like you can a desk?

In this day and age how are you suppose to make friends? There is so much fake stuff floating around. I just want to have that best friend again that calls me ever day and I call them everyday. Someone who loves God as much as I do. Someone who has the same interests as I do. Someone I don't have to worry about having my back, talking bad about me, or not understanding my relationship with God. A lot of my friends don't believe in God or even take part in a different religion which is perfectly fine and I still love them, but it is really hard to find someone like me out there.

The creep that I am always finds people on different social networking sites that I would love to get to know and would get along great with, but due to them being well known its impossible.

Bleh. Frustrations about this stuff have been a re-occurring thing lately. I just miss having that person that is so close they are almost like having a twin. I love my boyfriend and consider him my best friend, but its not nearly as fun to go shopping and talk about girly stuff with him. I'm sure he feels the same way. I just want to find my match in the best friend department. I feel like everyone is already paired off with one so its hard to get close to anyone.

I also feel like a lot of people are so wrapped up in the negatives. I want to find someone that is really uplifting and positive all the time. I understand everyone has their ups and downs but I feel like some people just have so much negative energy around them, ya know?

I don't know. I shouldn't complain. I do have wonderful friends and family and a loving boyfriend. Its just hard whenever I see other people having girls days and having best friends who are like a second half.

Nature is gooood.

I got a brand new, awesome 32g, white iPhone for Christmas this year. I went to the gym one night, and forgot my lock. I thought I would be fine completely hiding it in clothing and at the bottom of my backpack in a locker, but no. The weird girl that I though was strangely watching me change and such was apparently watching my iPhone instead. I was flattered, but once I realized my phone wasn't at the bottom of my backpack wrapped in my shirt and pants that quickly changed to anger. I searched and searched and searched for the wench and all I found was myself panicking. The worst part of the whole ordeal was that it was a gift from my loving mother.

Its been about two weeks, maybe three since "the incident" and although I miss Instigram dearly and having a GPS on me at all times since I have the sense of direction of a watermelon, I am growing more and more happy and okay with the desperate girl acting on probable impulse. I had been trying to get back into making art, writing, and reading more often as well as trying to cut the cord so to speak on my relationship with technology. I still check my e-mail and various social networking sites every morning and usually once in the evening, but it is really nice to not have the option to check it constantly now that I am using an old Pantech that isn't as smart as my/her iPhone.

I've always felt pretty in touch with nature and the Earth, hence my Wiccan days, so the loss of my phone was kind of the turning point to what has sprouted a slow building complete turn around in my life. A few weeks, maybe a month or more before Christmas I started being really turned off by factory made clothing and mass produced clothing/goods. That has slightly worn off. The most recent change is that I have stopped messing with my hair so much. I haven't straightened more than my straight across bangs for the reason that they are straight across and my hair is actually showing noticeable signs of growth.

Although I have a makeup focused YouTube channel, and love makeup and special effects makeup, I have felt really disgusting every time I wear the amounts of makeup I use to. (See my last post.) And since the last times I talked about in my last post, I haven't worn more than some concealer, mineral powder, and mascara. I've kept up with washing, toning, and moisturizing my face every morning and usually every night. I can't even tell you the last time my skin has felt this good.

I also signed up for a grocery service I have been eye-balling for awhile called Green B.E.A.N. Delivery. The groceries they offer are organic and natural produce and groceries delivered right to you. A couple people I know have been happy members for a little while and I can't wait for my first delivery next Friday! The link to the website is: http://www.raniamaria.eu/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/DSC_8358_red31.jpg

I'm sick of wearing a mask.

I have had the urge all day today to just throw out almost all of my makeup, my straightener, my blow dryer, my curling iron, and all of the other crap that helps me alter how I look naturally. All the stuff that helps me hide behind who I really am. The past month I haven't straightened my hair except for my fringe and I have barely worn any makeup. I tried two times in the past week to wear the layers of makeup that I use to wear daily and by the end of the day I felt completely disgusting inside and out and couldn't wait to take a shower. It felt like I had clay all over my face, or wax or something. I also didn't feel like I looked as good at first once I saw myself with the "mask" on. I feel like that's all it is. A mask. And don't get me wrong, its nice to play dress up every once in awhile, but for the most part I can't stand altering myself so much like I use to.

I really want to start taking an active roll in only putting natural things on and in my body. Eating healthy and being active aren't the only important aspects of being 100% healthy overall, I have slowly been realizing.