Static.

The past few days have been interesting. Mostly the day before yesterday. I finally admitted that I have been going through some depression again. Once I admitted that to myself, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had been fighting it for awhile and apparently I wasn't hiding it very well. I told my boyfriend, Adam about it and he said he knew already. Adam is very intuitive and can sense other people's emotions pretty well, so I should have known better, now that I think about it. I was suppose to work that day and realized that I needed the day to re-group and meditate on things. I really dislike that there are some people that will never understand how debilitating depression is. Actually, that is probably an awesome thing that some people will never know what it is like to live with it. That truly doesn't make me upset, but you get the idea. I had to say that I was sick for work, even though I was, mentally. But I don't expect many people to understand that. And maybe that is my fault for judging and generalizing. Regardless, once I did the deed of calling in and lit some candles and incense and just sat in my room listening to Sufjan Stevens I realized just how much I needed the day to myself. To do only what I wanted to do. I am so use to doing things for other people whether it be cooking, driving somewhere, or even just going somewhere when I would rather stay in. It was nice to just think of myself first. I though I was already a pretty selfish person, but Adam made me realize that 90% of what I do is for the happiness of others. In return, the happiness of others is what makes me happy but now I know that I still need days where I am 100% selfish. I had been feeling really distant from God as well. And any Christian will tell you how unnerving that is. Especially when you are use to feeling their presence constantly. Its gotten better until tonight at church. It was a really intense service and it moved so many other people. It had all the ingredients for a moving experience but I felt nothing almost the entire time. Last night was really good though. There was an opening for a new park in Cincinnati called Smale Riverfront Park. It was beautiful. I went with Adam, my dad, step mom, and brother. Here are the pictures I took while there.