Crumbly Butterflies.

Lately I have been going through a lot. The past five years have been a series of barely believable events, but the past two years have been positively insane. I'm not going to go into all of the details because that isn't the point at the moment. The point is, my boyfriend, the one I was paying off an engagement ring with, broke up with me a week ago last Saturday. God had told us that we were to be married, each at different times, and then a few days before he broke up with me, God told him that we had to break up. We had been making idols of each other. See, we started our spiritual journey together, so we never learned how to lean on God and God alone. We also each have a lot of growing up to do individually. It was really hard to admit at first, but the break up needed to happen and sometimes I think it may have needed to happen sooner. But the timing was actually perfect. Last week I was doing extremely well. Every time I though of something sad, I immediately thanked God for what he was doing in my life-for the second chance to change my life for the better. Due to me not listening to God, however, this week I was in a funk. Adam, my ex, and I decided to go on a date Saturday. It was absolutely wrong. All throughout church that night, the Holy Spirit kept trying to tell me to cancel the date. That it wasn't good. I guess I needed to learn for myself as all kids do when their parents tell them not to do something. The date totally derailed my growth and distracted me from my path. I was in a complete fog this week. I knew the outcome of this hardship would be good, but it was hard to believe it. Tonight during worship in youth, God reminded me of some things. There is a YouTube celebrity called Leda, and he told a story of her tattoo and God reminded me of it. Here is the tattoo, and Leda's story behind it.

She was going through a really hard time growing up and her dad took her on a drive. He told her to look out of the window and tell him what she saw. She said ugly, that the everything was ugly. He said okay, now close your eyes and picture a butterfly, what do you see? She said beautiful. He told her to open her eyes and think of that when she looked at the world. I think that is such an incredible story. Her butterfly tattoo had crumbly ones to start, and as they go up her shoulder they take shape and grow in color. I was sitting in a chair with my head in my hands, singing and telling God I love Him when he showed me a monarch butterfly. God then began to tell me that right now I am the crumbly butterfly, and at the end of all of this, I will be the beautiful, colorful butterfly. He also told me that right now it is hard to see the beauty in the situation and in the world, but that there is beauty in hardships. There is beauty even in the darkest places. I am still amazed at how he is so perfect. His timing is perfect. The way he talks to me is perfect. Every single detail about him is perfect.